The Beauty of Chosen Family: Building the Relationships That Truly Matter

I didn’t grow up with a big, close-knit family. There were no spontaneous visits to Grandma’s house, no afternoons spent with a favorite aunt, no cousins who felt like built-in best friends. My world was small—just my parents (until their divorce when I was fifteen) and my older brother, who left home as soon as he could. Extended family was more of an idea than a presence in my life, and while that spared me from the drama and heartbreak that often comes with large families, it also meant that deep, lasting connections had to be found elsewhere.

As I got older, I learned something invaluable: Family isn’t just the people we’re born to. It’s the people we choose. The friends who show up. The ones who love us through our hardest seasons. The people who celebrate our wins and hold our hands through our losses.

And yet, forming deep friendships—especially as adults—can be hard. Life gets busy, people are often already set in their social circles, and it can feel like everyone else has that big, built-in support system you never had. But the truth is, many of us are looking for the same thing: meaningful connection. The kind that makes life richer, deeper, and more beautiful.

So how do we find our people? How do we cultivate the relationships we truly want in life? Here are a few things I’ve learned along the way.

1. Be Open to New Connections

It’s easy to assume that friendships are something that just happen organically, like they did when we were kids. But as adults, we have to be more intentional. That means saying yes more often—to invitations, to new experiences, to the possibility of connection. Try joining a local group or class that aligns with your interests, whether it’s a book club, a fitness class, or a creative workshop. Friendships often start when we least expect them.

2. Don’t Be Afraid to Make the First Move

We tell ourselves all kinds of stories about why someone wouldn’t want to be our friend—they’re too busy, they already have enough friends, they wouldn’t be interested in getting to know me. But more often than not, those stories aren’t true. So send the text. Ask someone to grab coffee. Invite a new acquaintance to an event. Yes, it feels vulnerable, but real friendships start with small, intentional steps. Be confident.

3. Nurture the Relationships That Matter

Meeting people is one thing—keeping those connections alive is another. We often think of friendships as being effortless, but like any relationship, they require care and consistency. Make time for regular check-ins. Celebrate your friends’ wins. Be there when life gets hard. Friendships thrive when we make them a priority.

4. Be the Friend You Wish You Had

If you’re longing for deep, meaningful friendships, start by embodying the qualities you want in a friend. Be dependable. Be kind. Be someone who listens, supports, and shows up. The more you offer that energy, the more you’ll attract people who value the same things.

5. Let Go of One-Sided Relationships

Not every friendship is meant to last forever, and that’s okay. If you’re always the one making the effort, if someone only reaches out when they need something, if a relationship feels draining instead of nourishing—it’s okay to let go. Make space for the friendships that bring mutual joy, trust, and care. Don't forget to nurture your relationship with yourself, too.

6. Accept That Friendship Looks Different for Everyone

Some friendships are daily texts and coffee dates; others are long-distance calls every few months that feel like no time has passed. Some friends are like siblings; others are simply wonderful companions for a certain season of life. All of it is valid. Don’t compare your friendships to someone else’s—focus on what feels good and fulfilling for you.

7. Recognize That Chosen Family Is Just as Real as Biological Family

For some of us, our deepest, most unconditional love doesn’t come from the people we share DNA with. It comes from the ones who choose us, day after day. And there’s something profoundly beautiful about that.

So if you didn’t grow up with a strong family unit, if you’ve had to cut ties with unhealthy family members, or if your biological family just doesn’t quite fit the role you need them

to—know that you are not alone.

Family is what you make it. The love you build, the friendships you nurture, the people who show up for you—that’s what truly matters.

If you’re still searching for your people, keep going. Be open. Be intentional. They’re out there, waiting to welcome you home.