The History of Women's Disconnection

Why Do Some Women Struggle to Trust and Support One Another?

For generations, women have been told a story—one that paints other women as rivals, threats, or competition. We’ve been conditioned to believe that our value is tied to men, to motherhood, to our appearance, or to how well we conform to societal expectations. But what if this division isn’t natural? What if it was designed?

The truth is, the lack of sisterhood among women isn’t an accident. It has been systematically ingrained into us through patriarchal structures that benefit from keeping women isolated, unsure of themselves, and unable to form strong, interdependent bonds. Understanding how this happened is the first step to reclaiming what we’ve lost.

A History of Division: How Patriarchy Separated Women

1. The Rise of Competition Among Women

In ancient times, many societies thrived on communal living, where women supported one another in child-rearing, household duties, and community leadership. However, as patriarchal structures took hold, women were increasingly pitted against each other.

• Arranged marriages and inheritance laws made marriage a woman’s primary means of security, forcing them to compete for the ‘best’ male provider.

• Beauty standards became a tool to measure women against one another, reinforcing the idea that external validation (particularly from men) was the highest form of worth.

• The concept of ‘good woman vs. bad woman’ emerged, labeling women who adhered to societal norms as respectable and those who deviated as outcasts.

  
  

2. The Cult of Domesticity: Motherhood as a Measure of Worth

During the 19th and 20th centuries, the “cult of domesticity” became the prevailing ideal for women. Society dictated that a woman’s highest calling was to be a devoted wife and mother, and any deviation from this was considered unnatural.

• Women were discouraged from pursuing education or careers, reinforcing financial dependence on men.

• Those who did not marry or have children were labeled as ‘spinsters’ or ‘old maids,’ seen as failures rather than individuals with unique aspirations.

• The expectation to sacrifice personal ambition for the sake of family created internalized guilt and resentment between women who followed different paths.

  

  
  

3. Purity, Shame, and Female Rivalry

A woman’s worth was often tied to her purity, modesty, and obedience. Women who conformed were upheld as virtuous, while those who deviated were shamed.

• The Madonna-Whore dichotomy reinforced the idea that women were either ‘pure’ or ‘tainted,’ setting up yet another division among them.

• Women who were sexually liberated were ostracized, reinforcing the belief that their bodies and choices were open to public scrutiny.

• This led to women policing each other’s behavior, further driving wedges between them rather than fostering solidarity.

  

  
  

4. The Role of Modern Media in Female Disconnection

The portrayal of women in media has only deepened these historical divisions.

• Reality TV and mainstream films often showcase women as catty, jealous, and backstabbing, perpetuating the stereotype that female friendships are toxic or superficial.

• Social media fosters constant comparison, making women feel inadequate or envious rather than empowered.

• The “I’m not like other girls” phenomenon discourages female camaraderie, pushing the idea that being different from other women is a badge of honor rather than a connection point.

Breaking the Cycle: Small Steps Toward Reconnection

Undoing centuries of conditioning won’t happen overnight, but awareness is the first step. Here are a couple of simple ways to begin shifting your mindset and reconnecting with other women.

Self-Reflection Exercise:

Think back to a time when you felt judged or unsupported by another woman. Ask yourself:

• Where do you think that judgment came from?

• Was it truly personal, or was it shaped by larger societal expectations?

• Have you ever found yourself judging another woman in the same way?

Understanding where these behaviors come from allows us to begin dismantling them.

Action Step:

Take a small step toward fostering solidarity today:

• Reach out to a woman in your life with encouragement—a compliment, a shared experience, or an act of support.

• Observe how this simple act strengthens your connection and challenges the narrative of competition.

Conclusion: Rebuilding Our Collective, One Step at a Time

The divisions between women were not created by us, but we have the power to undo them. When we recognize how history has shaped our relationships with one another, and ourselves, we can start to challenge these beliefs and build stronger, more authentic bonds of support.

The next post in this series will explore how we rewrite the narratives. Together, we will unlearn, rebuild, and redefine what it means to be women who uplift one another.

Are you ready to break free from the past and reclaim your connections?