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Everyone's sexual journey is different. It begins at different times, for different reasons, and with different results. Depending on the messaging you received early in life regarding sex, you may have experimented as a young teen or waited until you were much older. Your first time was most likely a bit clumsy. Two people with nothing more than a high school health class worth of knowledge caught up in the throes of hormones and the knowledge that their peers were "doing it". I know that's how it was for many of my classmates. It also may have been traumatic in which case a mindful solo pleasure practice can aid in healing. You may have grown up surrounded by shame and purity culture and never learned how to freely own your sexuality. Either way, claiming your pleasure as your own is incredibly empowering.
The parents of my generation weren't as open to talking about sex as the parents of today. My parents were very private when it came to their own affection, preached waiting for marriage when they spoke about sex at all, and my education came in the form of an old VHS copy of Debbie Does Dallas which my best friend stole from her older brother. Needless to say, the film didn't do anything to highlight female pleasure or sexual connection. This formula also set me up for years of seeing sex as something to be given, not shared. The goal was always to please my partner. I had sex for years without experiencing an orgasm. It wasn't until I took matters into my own hands, literally, that I learned the joy of true feminine pleasure which is based on receiving.
The more I learned about my own body and the more research I did on pleasure, the more I realized that it is just as important as any other wellness practice. Sex is included in Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. It's right there with other basics such as food, water, sleep, and breathing. It's no surprise. The benefits of pleasure go well beyond the bedroom.
A healthy pleasure practice can be something you do solo, with a partner, or with partners. Here are some of the benefits you can expect.
Improved Immune System
More regular menstrual cycles
Reduced pain due to the release of endorphins and corticosteroids
Improved cardiovascular health
Stronger pelvic floor
Better sleep
Improved mood
A sense of well-being, closeness, and affection due to the release of oxytocin
Boost creativity
Improved body and self-images
Clearer, younger-looking skin
Allowing more pleasure expands your capacity to receive more love, joy, and abundance
Just a dozen well-documented reasons to make pleasure a part of your regular wellness routine.
Don't forget to include sensuality in your routine. This can be soft blankets on your skin, a warm scented bath, a feather tickling your body, or a massage. Whatever stimulates your senses and gets you present in your body. Make time for your pleasure the same way you make time for the gym or scheduled therapy. Learn your unique erogenous zones, discover the type of pressure you enjoy, and the way your climax builds when you are focused solely on your own satisfaction. This is all information you can take into your partnerships to improve your experiences as well.
Lastly, don't deny yourself the added bonus of good pleasure toys. Always use items made specifically for sexual use. Safety and health should always come first - even before you do. All jokes aside, here are some of my favorite finds. I am not affiliated with this company. I just really like their products and services.
Satisfyer One Night Stand Air Pulse Simulator - As of today, this little powerhouse is half off at just $9.95 after using the promo code SPRING. Its multiple speeds allow you to find the perfect intensity. Note that it comes with batteries built-in and is disposable once battery life ends. It lasts for months depending on use. Value greatly exceeds price with this one.
Born To "G" Wild G-Spot Vibe In Purple - one word: WOW.
Rechargeable Mini Bullet Vibe - Intended for external use, this mini is discreet, quiet, and has any setting you could hope to need. Great for all of your erogenous areas, you or a playmate can spend as much time as you like stimulating your body. For solo play, the edging pattern is AMAZING. And, it's waterproof!
Now, even if you feel you already have a good pleasure routine, I'm confident you can take it further.
Make a list of ten things that bring you pleasure. Try to include some that you don't currently incorporate on a regular basis or at all. Don't forget sensual pleasures. Then, schedule a Pleasure Date with yourself in the next seven days. Spend that time in total, uninterrupted pleasure and joy.
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